Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My breasts were aching with rage.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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