Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
