I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
