Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
