My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
