Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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