Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
