Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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