Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
