my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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