...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
