OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
