dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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