Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
