Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
