the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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