I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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