Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
