Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
