Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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