i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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