Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently the secret to your success is patron
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
