You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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