As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
