Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
