This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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