I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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