dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't deserve a penis
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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