Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
