i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
