Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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