i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
