Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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