Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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