1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
