I'm eating all of the evidence.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
