think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
