I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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