Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
