You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
