My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
