I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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