And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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