someone get that fucking seahorse.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
