Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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