Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wanna go halves on a baby?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So many bounce houses so little time
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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