honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
