Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
