i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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