Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's great music for shaving your balls
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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