OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
