Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
