And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
